How To Resolve Values Conflicts

I want to share with you a little bit about "Values Conflicts" and how to remove a bucket load of stress, anxiety and procrastination from your life and from the lives of your clients.

I want you to imagine this scenario just for a second. Imagine that you would like to start up a highly successful coaching business. As soon as you think the thought of starting up a highly successful coaching business, there's another thought that pops up in your head and that thought is, "I'd like to be able to spend more time with my family."

So, we've got these two conflicting ideas now. You want to start up a successful business, but you also want to spend more time with your family.

Somewhere inside your mind, there is a belief and the belief is simply this, "If I start up a coaching business, that equals less time with my family."

This is what we class as a values conflict. We've got two things that are important to us, our family and our coaching business and they are conflicting each other and potentially reducing the amount of fulfillment in one or both of those areas.

Having done 11.5 years of coaching and well over 10,000 hours of one-on-one coaching sessions, I have seen my fair share of values conflicts. Over the years, I took some time out to really just workshop and roadmap the exact way of getting through a values conflict. What I came up with was a very simple equation. If we understand this equation, this equation will let us know exactly what to do when those scenarios present themselves.

I mean, another classic example that we hear all of the time is that, "I really want to become a coach, but I don't want to give up the security of the income that I'm earning in my current career." So, "I want to be a coach, but I don't want to lose the financial security of the day job. Even though I don't like my day job at all, I don't want to give up that security." Again, another classic values conflict.

So, how do we resolve these conflicts and what do we do about them? We use this equation:

A = H +/- B

The A stands for the brand new value that you want to add into your life. In this case, the person does not have a coaching business, so A will be a coaching business. B equals the current value that they have in their life. In the first example, B would be the person's family. So, A is the coaching business, B is the person's family. Now, H stands for help or help me or helping. Then obviously, the +/- determines whether or not you want to have more or less of the thing.

Let me give you an example of them. If I'm to remove the conflict in my mind of, "I really want to start my coaching business, but my family is getting in the way because I want to spend more time with my family and coaching seems to reduce my amount of time with my family," I simply formulate a question that allows me to use the formula on the board and then I use that question to link up the parts in my mind.

A values conflict is nothing other than two parts of your brain that aren't talking to each other. In fact, they're wrestling with each other. One part is saying, "I want this." The other part is saying, "I want this," and they're both saying, "Look, if I have this, you can't have that and I have this, you can't have." We get the idea behind it.

The idea of a values conflict and how to resolve it is to get both parts of the mind and put them together, so they become one congruent concept. Once both parts of the mind become holistic again, the conflict resolves itself and we're able to take the necessary action to get what we want most in our life.

So, let's go ahead and put this into a question. So, A is a new coaching business. B is spending time with my family. We're going to use the equation A = H +/- B. So, the question would sound like this: "How will growing my coaching business help me spend more time with my family?"

Now, the way in which we actually formulate the question is following the technology on the board here. What we're going to do now is actually answer the question. So, if we would just go ahead and ask that question, we might come up with answers like this:

"Growing my coaching business means that I won't have to work a full-time job anymore. Growing my coaching business means that I'll be able to work my own hours.

Growing my coaching business means I'll be able to work from home, so when the family gets home in the afternoons, I will already be there waiting for them. Growing my coaching business means that I can travel around the world on the telephone changing people's lives, which means I can holiday way more with my family.

Growing my coaching business means that because most of my work will be done over the phone, when I hang up my phone, I'm already immediately available for my family. Growing my own coaching business means I can earn more income than my current job and in less hours, which actually means I'll spend more time with my family."

So, I think you're getting gist of the whole concept behind it. So, what we'll do is we get our existing value, which is our family and our brand new value, which is our coaching business and we run it through the formula. Now, I'll give you another example just so we're really clear.

The second one I said was, "I really want to grow my coaching business, but I don't want to give up the financial security of my current job." Now, the question then becomes, "Do you want more or less financial security? Do want a plus or a minus?" Well, obviously, you want more financial security. So, the question becomes, "How will growing my coaching business give me even more financial security?"

Again, we just answer the question. Well, growing your coaching business, you control your income. Growing your coaching business, you can't get fired from it. Growing your coaching business, you get to sleep in and you still get to keep your job. Growing your coaching business, you get to wear what you want when you want and you get to earn income from doing it.

Growing your coaching business has an uncapped earning potential. Growing your coaching business means you're going to earn six, seven, eight figures doing that. Growing your coaching business means you're able to charge whatever you feel your service are worth at the time. Growing your coaching business means you can actually outlearn any problem you face inside your business, which means you can continue to earn more and more and more.

This helps to resolve the conflict by bringing those two parts of the brain back into one. Now, without wanting to overly confuse the concept, I'll show you a minus one. Let's just say that you have debt. Let's just say that you want to travel to Fiji. So, you've got an idea that you'd like to travel to Fiji. So, your new value is traveling to Fiji and your current value is debt. You want more or less debt. Chances are, you want less debt. So, basically, we're going to use the minus in the equation.

So, we want to go to Fiji, but we also want to have less debt. When someone thinks of going to Fiji, they say to themselves, but that's a values conflict, "I really want to go to Fiji, but I also want to reduce my debt, which means I'm now conflicted. I can't go to Fiji because I want to reduce my debt."

Now, use the formula to help us get to Fiji and reduce our debt at the same time. I mean, who would like to be able to travel to tropical locations while reducing your debt? So, the question then becomes ... We're going to use the minus here on the board. The question then becomes simply this, "How will going to Fiji help me reduce my debt? How will going to Fiji help me reduce my debt?"

The question almost is illogical, "How can I go to Fiji and reduce my debt at the same process?" If you just work with me for a little bit, let's have some reasons why you might reduce your debt by going to Fiji.

The first one is while you're in Fiji, you're going to be more relaxed, which means you're going to be more creative, which means you'll have more creative juices flowing on ways in which to reduce your debt.

When you go to Fiji, you take some time out to allow yourself to really get some space away from what you're doing and potentially brainstorm new ideas, new business ventures, new ways of actually making things happen.

While you're in Fiji, you could run a small coaching group. You could take a group of people from Australia to Fiji to do some coaching with them, so you can actually earn money while you're in Fiji. I think one of the best questions you can ever ask yourself is, "How can I get paid to do the things I love? How can I get paid to do the things I love?" So, we continue with the question, "How will going to Fiji help me reduce my debt?"

In Fiji, rent is a lot cheaper, food is a lot cheaper. You get to swim in the ocean, you're way more occupied, you'll be spending less of your money on consumer items. So, while you're in Fiji, you'll actually be saving money, which will actually help you reduce your debt. So, these are just some of the reasons why going to Fiji will help you reduce your debt.

So, either way, whether it's a positive like you want more time with your family or you want more financial security or it's a negative like you want to reduce your debt, the values linking formula will help you through the process.

How To Become A Highly Successful Coach

Read more about: Difference-Maker

Ben is the Difference-Maker Mentor and Co-founder of Authentic Education. He is exquisite at inspiring people to share their message, make a difference in the world and live abundantly on purpose.

Ben has been featured in media such as the Today Show, Inc.com, Entrepreneur.com, Huffington Post and News.com.au.